The holidays can be extra difficult for folk living with mental illness. And, yes, mental illness is a real illness. Most everyone knows someone dealing with it in a very real way everyday. So, let’s attempt to raise our awareness to the subtleties of mental illness and attempt to “be there” for our friends, family, and neighbors. Here’s a great article to help us get started!

https://www.bphope.com/blog/when-friends-and-family-dont-understand-bipolar-disorder/

Hey, I know that feeling too!😊


“A week ago it was the mountains I thought the most wonderful, today it’s the plains. I guess it’s the feeling of bigness in both that carries me away.“ Georgia Okeefe

26 Little Signs You are getting over Depression
The Mghty.com
​April 2018

~ Thank you to themighty.com


To get a sense of how people with depression knew they were starting to feel better, we asked our mental health community to share little ways they knew they were recovering from depression.
1K+Save
Here’s what they shared with us:
1. “When I can wake up and get ready for the day. I shower, cook, clean up the house and just face the day like a ‘normal’ person…” — Amanda T.
2. “When I start cooking my own food again instead of wasting money on fast food. When I start showering and brushing my teeth on a more normal basis. When I start to laugh with meaning again. When my hobbies become enjoyable again. When I can get myself to work on time. When I sing. When I cuddle my significant other to enjoy his presence, not just to try and feel better. When I start enjoying the little things again, like a full moon or beautiful sunset.” — Stephanie F.
3. “Laughing, really laughing and realizing in that moment you are actually happy, and you forget everything else for those few seconds and relish in the moment because it’s been so long.” — Rebecca M.
4. “When I can start reading again. My concentration and focus improves.” — Sharyn H.
5. “It’s little things for me, and it usually happens without me noticing. Caring about what I put on in the morning, wanting to cook dinner, remembering and wanting to watch my favorite TV shows, actually laughing instead of saying ‘that’s funny.’ I’ll catch myself making the bed or washing my face in the morning and realize I am actually feeling better.” — Nichole H.
6. “When I no longer go to bed praying I don’t wake up and instead go to bed smiling because I feel worthy of life and happiness.” — Megan E.
7. “When my eyes get the life back into them. (When I smile with my eyes.) Becoming productive again. Spending less time in my room.” — Amanda A.
8. “When I start doing the things I love, no matter how skilled or unskilled I am: singing passionately; dancing as though my life depended on it; baking while licking the batter off the mixing spoons; and even laughing, and going outside, taking in just how beautiful the world can be outside of my windows.” — Ashley H.
9. “When I start noticing the beauty in the sunrise, how the clouds have different colors, actually seeing the leaves on the trees instead of them just being there. When I get motivation and energy to do stuff like housework, socializing, taking a walk. When I manage to enjoy a cup of coffee, not just drinking it to kickstart my level of energy.” — Rita O.
10. “Either of these, which will seem like the easiest things in the world for some people. 1. When I find I still can and do find things funny. 2. Getting up without feeling I’m about to explode from the pressure in my head or the need to immediately get back under the safety of the duvet.” — Louise F.
11. “I become more present during the day. Instead of feeling like I am just going through the motions, I begin to feel like life isn’t a hassle. To sum it up I look forward to my days and getting out of bed.” — Anjelica M.
12. “When I’m able to look past the present. When I am able to make future plans and further be excited about them. When I can see myself accomplishing more.” — Caroline S.
13. “When I feel like I can support those around me, like my husband and my mom. Like I can carry them on my shoulders rather than being crushed by the weight.” — Emily M.
1K+Save
14. “The days I accomplish something — anything — that’s when I feel like, ‘I can do this.’ After a year-long battle and months of therapy, I surprised myself when I not only played music but sang along! I imagine the true sign of getting better is when I can read, clean house daily, shower more than once or twice per week, and make a real meal more than once per week. It’s amazing how much of your life depression affects that others simply see as ‘normal.'” — Jazmyne F.
15. “Wanting to take care of myself. Simple things like taking a shower, brushing my hair, even putting make up on. Not because I have to but because I want to.” — Andrea B.
16. “When I actually try and make plans with the few friends I have left. Or I finally do household things I’ve been putting off for over a month because I don’t have the energy to get out of bed.” — Alexis M.
17. “I feel lighter. Like something has been lifted off my shoulders. I feel a warm burst of sunshine in my chest. I also feel relief.” — Sarah V.
18. “I start singing again, just humming while walking or doing things. I stop singing completely when depressed. First sign of light at the end of that dark tunnel is music back in my head and heart.” — Gaia F.
19. “When my sense of taste and smell improves and I can have lights on in the evening. (I normally live in the dark.)” — Julian N.
20. “When you can eat a meal willingly without your stomach feeling like there is a weight inside of it.” — Ashley B.
21. “Leaving the house to do things because I want to and not because I’m obligated.” — Alyse W.
22. “Singing in the car.” — Lucy D.
23. “When I wake up and don’t feel like I want to cry anymore.” — Adam B.
24. “When I no longer get angry at everything and everyone.” — Ceri C.
25. “I don’t have to force myself to smile.” — Hailie H.
26. “Colors get a little more vivid, and the world looks a little less hopeless.” — Michaela R

Undoubtedly, the level of happiness I enjoy today I attribute to years of practicing gratitude. I simply go about my day in a state of mindfulness. In that state, I acknowledge things in my life, in my day, in the people around me that I appreciate. I whisper a prayer of gratitude as I bring these things to the fore of my mind.

Expressing gratitude can be just that simple! However, it simply works. And because of that, one continues the practice in expressing gratitude.


​Why Grateful People Always Succeed

​Feb 7, 2018 @ 10:23 AM, Forbes.com

Why Grateful People Succeed

To begin I’d like to preface with the idea that gratitude is a choice, not a result. I hear all the time that it is so easy to be grateful when you've made it to the top. It is easy to be grateful when your career, mission, relationships and finances are all going exceptionally well. Yes, that is true but contrary to popular belief it is also easy to be grateful during a time of struggle or during a building phase of life where you are trying to improve in all sectors. In fact, gratitude is the key factor in achieving ultimate success and happiness.
Don’t Believe Me? Learn From The Experts
Oprah Winfrey is a prime example of practicing gratitude because not only is she known for her humble beginning but also for her dedication and consistency in her gratitude journaling. She has produced an overwhelming amount of content on gratitude and its effect on her own personal life and she even said she has journals that date back every single day for over a decade.
“Opportunities, relationships, even money flowed my way when I learned to be grateful no matter what happened in my life.” — Oprah Winfrey
Gratitude Creates Happiness
David Steindl-Rast, in his Ted Talk on happiness proposes a question: ‘Does happiness cause one to be grateful or does being grateful create happiness?’ He concludes his talk explaining that gratitude is the sole creator of happiness. We all know people who have faced devastating adversity and challenge but have managed to persevere with gratitude and happiness. They are the perfect example of creating happiness through practice of gratitude.
The Importance Of Focus
Tony Robbins speaks a lot about the importance of focus. As he says where focus goes, energy flows meaning that the brain sees and feels whatever you focus on time and time again. Whether your focus is positive or negative, thoughts and feelings are manifested based off of your initial focus. You better make sure you’re focusing on the right things!
“When you are grateful, fear disappears and abundance appears.” — Tony Robbins
Stay Positive
I’m grateful that I have positive modeling in my life. Closest to me is my husband, Noah Flom. He is the most positive person that I know. Noah’s outlook and positivity is incomparable and I learn something new from him every day. He believes that how you think on the inside, whether positive or negative, will manifest on the outside — and this approach will affect your life, your business, your attitude and your personality. Ultimately, people don’t really want to be around someone who is constantly negative and looking at the glass half empty.
Noah has taught me to always look at the glass half full and find the positive aspects in every situation, challenge, opportunity, and trial regardless of how fair or unfair the situation may seem. Through him I have discovered that attitude is contagious and although we all can’t have the world’s best attitude (like I believe he does) we do have a choice. Regardless of the circumstances, we can always choose to approach any situation from a positive and grateful place. He often says it takes just as much effort to be negative as it does to be positive, so choose wisely!
Hard Days, We All Have Them
All of our days are filled with micro and macro ups and downs and life is constantly testing our abilities, our strength and most importantly our perseverance. Our attitude, focus, and level of gratitude is in direct harmonization with our level of happiness. You cannot be happy without being grateful. Whether you are grateful for a good meal, a smiling stranger, or a brand new car all happiness is stemmed from being genuinely grateful for all opportunities, people, experiences and challenges.
“Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has plenty; not on your past misfortunes, oh which all men have some.” — Charles Dickens
How To Take Action And Choose Gratitude
If you struggle to find the positive things in your life and something to be grateful for try to improvise and stimulate your mind by listening to a podcast or perhaps a video of someone else showing gratitude. A great example of this is Will Smith. He is known as someone who is not only grateful but also someone who is extremely positive and always faces a challenge with a smile. We could all learn a thing or two from him!
To choose gratitude we need to substantially show effort in practicing this skill. Whether that is writing it down in a journal or on a notepad in your phone or even just taking five minutes to think in your head what you were grateful about that day; gratitude begins with action. It takes conscious effort to be grateful but just like any skill you acquire, it not only becomes stronger over time but it also becomes effortless as it becomes a habit it your daily routine.
When you begin to change the lens you use to view the world and you come from a place of gratitude, you begin to see the things differently. Give it a try! Let’s start by commenting five things you are grateful for today!

DBSA Jackson provides a weekly support group meeting for people living with mood disorders. The group facilitators are volunteers with problems of their own. For the past 15 years, these facilitators have proven themselves to be among the "strongest people".

I am strong but still . . .

Choose life… Insure Tennessee

by hopeworkscommunity

Choose life. When in doubt, when you are not sure... When there is a question choose life.

The question of Insure Tennessee is a question of whether or not we will choose life. It is not a question of a better way to choose life. It is not a question of not this but that. As more and more stories pour in it is obvious. For thousands of Tennessean it is increasingly each day a question of life or death... a question of life or needless and preventable suffering... a future of hope or one bound by despair. It is not about finding an answer. It is about the common sense and political will to grab the one (the only one) in front of us and stop the unnecessary misery that defines the lives of so many vulnerable Tennesseans.

Chattanooga voted last night to choose life. Their city council voted overwhelmingly in favor of a resolution supporting Insure Tennessee. They joined a growing movement of cities and towns saying they support their neighbors, their friends, their families. No one should have to unnecessarily suffer or suffer as a direct result of governmental policy. Insure Tennessee.

The movement is growing. Thanks to the leadership of people like Pam Weston in East Tennessee and Meryl and Randall Rice in West Tennessee and the stories and words of more and more Tennesseans the movement is growing. It is the growing crescendo of more and more ordinary Tennesseans saying "CHOOSE LIFE!!!!!"

Imagine a flood, a hurricane in Tennessee. The waters are rising.. People are dying.... Many are on top of their houses waiting for a miracle.. a boat... a something... someone who cares.... hope. The government has boats. But they decide to wait. "Let's make sure this is a good idea..."

The waters still rise. For some it is too late. For others it will soon be too late. Action matters. The hurricane is here for thousands of Tennesseans. And they are on top of their houses waiting.

Join the movement to choose life. Talk to your local government. Ask them to join Chattanooga and the other towns and counties that have acted.

Today. Today please choose life.

Insure Tennessee

Larry Drain ~

This is a new campaign launched by national DBSA. Remember, "I'm here. "

https://www.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10153744595606122&id=95920556121

Mother Teresa practiced what she preached, serving her neighbors in great need. In contrast, every year Americans feel they must leave their suffering children "next door" to fly off to an exotic land to do God's work. Personally, I try to follow these words of the person who epitomized service and devotion to God.

I say, thank you, Mother Teresa, for leaving these words of wisdom and guidance.

http://news.vanderbilt.edu/2015/05/locating-the-brains-sad-center/

More than once in life I've closed one chapter and opened another. I like to think I learned valuable lessons each time. I bet you feel much the same about your life too.

I'm writing my story in hopes that it will inspire others to share their story. I don't know if there is a "book" in everyone but I know for certain there is a story in there. I encourage you to share your story of overcoming some of life's challenges. Someone needs to hear what you have to say. They are waiting!

The big payoff of well-chosen words

By Stephen Propst

You may think that talk is cheap. But, when words are used thoughtlessly, carelessly, or hurtfully, they can take a heavy toll. Like an arrow, “wrong” words can be sharp, piercing a person’s spirit, ripping away at self-esteem, and making a person feel belittled or even betrayed. Ill-chosen words can strain friendships and create stress. And especially vulnerable are people who have bipolar disorder.

Now, let’s be honest. Dealing with bipolar disorder is not only tough for the people who have the illness, but it’s also a challenge for those who live with them. Taking time to consider the impact of what you say before you “fire away” makes it easier. Choosing your words carefully can strengthen relationships, fuel recovery, and make for a better quality of life for everyone.

“Never tell anyone that he looks tired or depressed,” says H. Jackson Brown Jr., in his book Life’s Little Instruction Book (Rutledge Hill Press, 1991). That’s good advice! Now, let’s look at 10 more comments to avoid making to someone who has bipolar disorder. These observations come from more than two decades of dealing with the illness and from years of leading support groups and consulting with families. The goal is to help family and friends to more peacefully coexist with those of us who have bipolar.

What not to say

You sound a little down today.
That’s what a friend said to me within the first 30 seconds when she phoned the other day. No kidding! Since I live with bipolar disorder, of course I don’t always feel 100 percent up to par. I just don’t need my symptoms constantly gauged or continually evaluated. It’s like having a never-ending physical. Most people with a mental illness know how they feel. Being told you are not sounding well is not constructive, nor is it a substitute for true compassion.

I thought you were taking your medication.
Dealing successfully with bipolar disorder cannot be reduced to whether or not someone has taken a pill. There are no quick fixes. Confronting a chronic, serious illness is an ongoing process, and there are bound to be ups and downs. The more you take the time to learn about bipolar disorder, the more you will understand how difficult managing such a condition can be. There are countless resources—books, videos, support groups, etc.—that address and reduce the mystery and misunderstanding surrounding bipolar disorder.

You’re too smart to have bipolar disorder.
When I first heard that remark, I felt so horrible, as if I could have prevented what had happened. Even worse, I felt that someone, such as a homeless person, was somehow more “deserving” of such an illness than I. The brain, like any organ in the body, is subject to having problems. It is cruel to say something that suggests that bipolar disorder doesn’t exist, isn’t legitimate, or isn’t as significant as any other medical condition.

You know he’s ‘bipolar,’ don’t you?
Reducing someone to the illness he faces is destructive. In fact, it is cruel to see a person only through the lens of a diagnosis. Unfortunately, it happens all too often. A person who has bipolar disorder should not be defined by that with which he might struggle. Guard your tongue. Focus on the person you know and love, and dwell on all that makes that individual special. Your friend or family member still has a life.

Stop acting like a fool!
Granted, some conduct associated with bipolar disorder can be very difficult to contend with. When you realize, however, that a particular behavior is actually symptomatic and born of the illness, it makes accepting and dealing with it much easier. I see families who think that their situation is unmanageable, until they meet other families facing the same circumstances. With education and patience, these families come to realize that there is an explanation for what they’ve been witnessing.

Guard your tongue. Focus on the person you know and love, and dwell on all that makes that individual special.

It doesn’t take much to set you off!
Those of us who have bipolar disorder are often more vulnerable and responsive to what happens around us. When you make careless statements, your tongue becomes a trigger that can rouse a reaction and escalate symptoms. You unnecessarily incite a mood change in the person you really want to help.

You’re lazy and don’t have a life anymore.
Are you pushing someone who has bipolar disorder to get on with life? Doing so might create stress, counteract recovery techniques, and worsen overall health. If you have a family, a job, social engagements, etc., consider yourself not only lucky, but also far apart from the typical individual who deals with bipolar disorder. Such a person has often dealt with a radical departure from any sense of a normal routine. Recovery takes time and work, and the role you play is critical. Help by using constructive dialogue that acknowledges progress. Don’t push too hard and don’t expect everything to happen overnight.

We used to have high hopes for you.
I sat at a support group and heard a mother say: “My son was going to be a doctor and have a wonderful family, but now he has bipolar disorder.” As I listened, I watched the young man’s face just drop. He was crushed by his mother’s words. Such a statement is not healthy, because it does not convey unconditional love. What you say does matter. Remember that we are all human beings, not human “doings;” the more you acknowledge our being, the more we can end up doing. There is no need to squash hope or diminish dreams.

Don’t take everything so personally.
With bipolar disorder, there are obvious physical symptoms, such as changes in appetite or sleep; the mind, as well as the brain, are impacted. The patient’s self-esteem also takes a tremendous hit. That’s why a promised phone call that never comes may be taken much harder than you might imagine. Likewise, saying things that ignore or make light of someone’s sense of self-esteem should be avoided.

You seem a little overly enthusiastic.
Remember that someone who has bipolar disorder is still entitled to a personality. Before I had bipolar disorder, I was outgoing, happy-go-lucky and quick-witted. Now even though I have this illness, those same personality traits still exist. At a support group recently, a young man was very energetic and expressive. Someone accused him of being manic. Fortunately, a psychiatrist was present. He said that the young man was displaying no manic symptoms whatsoever and that it was cruel to strip a person of his personality merely because he has a diagnosis. The doctor added that anyone is entitled to a full, normal range of emotions.

What you can say
Sticks and stones can break bones, but words hurt, too. Talking carelessly can shatter self-esteem and stifle a person’s motivation to have a life again. Instead, use statements that are more likely to strengthen relationships and support recovery.

Here are some simple phrases to get started:

“I love you, and I care.”
“You’re not alone in this.”
“I’m sorry you’re in so much pain.”
“I’m always willing to listen.”
“I’ll be your friend no matter what.”
“This will pass, and we can ride it out together.”
“You are important to me.”
“When all this is over, I’ll still be here.”

Speaking of differences
Last year, at the Fernbank Museum of Natural History in Atlanta, Georgia, an amazing, special exhibit revealed that every imaginable genetic differentiation—body size, health, anything—is attributable to less than one percent of all genes (Human Genome Project). We are more than 99 percent identical. So, if you know someone who has bipolar disorder, why not concentrate on speaking to the 99 percent of that person’s humanity that really matters?

Talk is not cheap. It pays to use words that encourage, enlighten, and empower. You can make a positive difference in your loved-one’s recovery and in your peace of mind.

I was raised appreciating my family. However, in 1993, I met a personal health challenge that put me in great need of help and support. My family rose to the occasion with love and support I desperately needed. So, I learned anew the meaning of family in my midlife. Since that time I've worked to be there for my biological family and to be "family" to others with a similar need as mine.

Tragic California Case Exposes Failings in Our Mental Health Care System

CareforYouMind Feb 10,'15

Rusty Selix
Executive Director, Legislative Advocate
California Council of Community Mental Health

In April 2012, Fred Paroutaud, a California man with no history of mental illness, experienced a psychotic episode. Mr. Paroutaud was hospitalized and diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Just 72 hours after he was admitted, and despite the fact that he was still experiencing hallucinations, he was discharged and referred to outpatient group therapy. Because his condition remained unstable he requested alternate therapy and one-on-one sessions with a psychiatrist. He was denied both by his health plan and his condition deteriorated.

Concerned by his worsening depression, his wife appealed to the health plan again and again. She pleaded that her husband required more supervised and personalized treatment. While waiting for an appointment with his psychiatrist, and just two months after his first psychosis, he died by suicide.

Mr. Paroutaud’s widow is convinced that if more intensive and timely care had been available, her husband would still be alive. In October 2013, she and two other plaintiffs filed a class-action lawsuit against the health plan claiming they were harmed by its systemic denial of timely access to mental health services.

Why this story sounds familiar
While Mr. Paroutaud’s story is unique, his circumstances were not. Upon his release from the hospital, he needed intensive, monitored care. That’s not what he got. Generally speaking, commercial health plans limit coverage to two levels of care: level one is a once a week therapy visit for mild to moderate problems and medication management; and level two is hospitalization.

Those two narrow levels of care are appropriate for many people, but not all, and certainly not for all stages of mental illness. The absence of those critical, in-between levels of care is one of the ways that our mental health system falls short and where it fails people like Fred Paroutaud and his family.

When someone is in the midst of a manic episode or considering suicide, hospitalization can provide the opportunity to stabilize the condition. Upon discharge, many patients require medically monitored care in a residential facility or highly personalized care in a medically-monitored outpatient setting. Unfortunately, that level and type of care is almost impossible to find in commercial health plans.

There is another way
My hope for a health system that offers comprehensive mental health services to better address the needs of individuals with a mental health condition is not pie-in-the-sky wishful thinking. In fact, this model of care, with multiple levels and degrees of intensity, already exists within the California Medicaid system. In our public programs, care ranges from community-based health management through low-intensity community-based services, high-intensity community-based services, medically-monitored non-residential services, medically-monitored residential services, and medically-managed residential services (i.e., inpatient treatment).

This structure, with six levels of care, is the backbone of the mental health system under California’s Medicaid system, and it provides a complete, stepped approach to rehabilitation.

This type of care should not be exclusive to the Medicaid population. One of the 10 essential health benefits under the Affordable Care Act is rehabilitation; another is mental health care. This means that rehabilitation for mental health care isan essential benefit, and all Americans in commercial health plans are entitled to more rehabilitation-focused mental health services.

What you can do now
Fred Paroutaud was denied access to stepped treatment and his story is tragic. It is thanks to his widow and her persistence that we know about it at all. Unfortunately, many people suffer similar situations and denials of care, but we do not hear about them.

With increased national attention on access to mental health care, now is the time to tell us about the problems you are having in accessing the care you need. We want to know what services you were denied and the barriers you faced, such as unaffordable out-of-pocket costs, transportation issues, or lack of trained providers in your plan’s network, etc.  We also need to know what you did or didn’t do in response and how this impacted your or your family member’s recovery. As advocates and advocacy organizations, we are positioned and prepared to knock on the door of government regulators and health plans and point out the disparity in care and demand access to appropriate rehabilitative services.

Many commercial insurers don’t cover rehabilitation services because they don’t believe they have to. And if no one demands otherwise, they are unlikely to ever change. Share your story. Don’t take ‘no’ as the only answer. Let’s realize the parity we deserve.

Questions

• How have you been denied equal insurance coverage for a mental health condition? Tell us your story.
• What levels of treatment are available to you under your health plan? Are they sufficient?

Bio

Rusty has been Executive Director and Legislative Advocate for CCCMHA since 1987. He is co-author of California’s Mental Health Services Act, a tax on personal incomes over $1 million to expand community mental health care. At CCMHA, he has been instrumental in moving forward a variety of critical mental health-related initiatives, including ensuring the implementation of the federal Early Periodic Screening, Diagnosis, and Treatment (EPSDT) program to serve children with severe emotional disturbances. He also serves as Executive Director of the Mental Health Association in California.

I'm grateful for all of the support that got me through my time of recovery. Today I appreciate the support I have in gaining more wellness each day.

What are some symptoms of BP? See what bipolar disorder can be like. Pass this along to someone in need. Dark Glasses & Kaleidoscopes - YouTube http://bit.ly/1ExeuNA

I enjoy sharing my affirmations with friends ~

An affirmation 4 u:

"I am drawn to Silence; for in the Silence my soul is restored without fail."

7 Tips To Have A Long-Lasting, Happy Relationship

In today's society, we don't have many role models or common ideal values when it comes to the question of how to have a long-lasting, happy relationship. Most of the things we learn are from trial and error. We're all just trying to figure it out — the ever-present question of how to coexist with our partner in the most harmonious, loving way.

But here are a few lessons that I've learned the hard way. When we are more flexible with ourselves and our partners, we communicate better, and get along better. These seven practices are essential for helping your relationship last — and to be happy, healthy and strong along the way.

1. Realize that it's impossible to "win" a fight. No one will ever win, ever.

When you are involved in an argument with your partner, it often becomes less about coming to a solution and more about "winning" the argument or being "right". The goal in conscious communication is to create more harmony in your relationship and find a solution that you both can agree upon. Rehashing the same ideas over and over again in an effort to feel "right" will not lead to happiness for anyone.

2. Connect to your partner as part of you.

Often, we view our loved ones as separate from us. But in our relationships, all of our interactions are two-sided, and it's important to keep this in mind for a healthy, happy relationship. We are all one, all connected.

When you begin to change your perception from separation to oneness, it is easier to drop the armor and let in your partner. Your communication will be better, and you'll feel more connected. Practice viewing your partner as another part of you that is trying to tell you something important. Always listen with an open heart — and in the case of a fight, listen without having to retaliate.

3. Always be open to the possibility that you might be wrong.

If your loved one has an issue with you, chances are it's at least worth looking into. There are probably very few people that know you better, so listen up instead of making excuses, pointing the finger, or detouring the conversation.

Explore the possibility that you may have something to work on. Reply lovingly with, "So what you're trying to say is ...?" "What are your suggestions on how I can improve?" "I love you and am willing to look into this." It's OK to be wrong. If you are — accept it and simply try making the change. We all want to grow and flourish, right? Those closest to you can play a crucial role in your spiritual growth and evolution.

Furthermore, if you show you are willing to accept your faults, your partner is more likely to follow suit and accept his downfalls too. Whether or not your partner is incredibly wise or evolved, if you genuinely want to have a better relationship, then it's worth it to listen with genuine curiosity and openheartedness.

4. Say goodbye to the silent treatment.

Plain and simple, the silent treatment is useless. If something is bothering you — talk about it. Holding a grudge can have an extremely negative impact on the energy and vibration in your home.

Create a space that is inviting and loving, by being open, honest, and kind. Your home should feel like a sanctuary — a refuge of peace from this often crazy world.

5. Appreciate!

Even if you have a bone to pick, it's important to express that you are appreciative of the things that your partner may do that are awesome. Praise is so effective in drawing the best out of a person. If there is a behavior that you love and enjoy, give him props for it.

Of course, there will always be things that annoy you or make you angry. Ask, "Why does this particular behavior bother me SO much? "Who in my past has expressed something similar and how is this connected?" And so on.

So know you're triggers, so you are less likely to be reactive when something comes up. If you are always just criticizing and bashing your partner, he/she will feel unmotivated to make changes.

6. If you want something, give it.

Another way to say this is "be the change you want to see in your partner". If there is something you would like to see more of from your partner — try giving it to them first. You can't treat your spouse like dirt and expect flowers.

7. Don't expect everyone to express love in the same way.

Everyone has different ways of expressing themselves — especially in intimate contexts. Sometimes all you need is a hug, yet all he needs is to talk. Find a common ground. Ask, "What are the things I do that make you feel loved and supported?" Talk about your needs and ask what his are.

Photo Credit: Shutterstock

Allen Reflects on Thriving in 2014

As DBSA’s 2014: The Year of Thriving comes to a close, it seems appropriate to reflect on what we’ve accomplished this past year, and to think about what’s yet to come.

At the beginning of 2014, we outlined our vision of a future where every adult and child living with a mood disorder has the opportunity not just to survive, but to thrive. To some, this was a message of hope; to others, it seemed a goal almost impossible to imagine. I completely understand how some of my peers might find total wellness to be an unattainable goal. Indeed, I too have experienced times in my life when the only reality I could imagine was the intense pain of depression. In fact, I experienced times this very year when thriving seemed so very far away for me personally. But amidst messages about the danger and drain of people with mental health conditions, and my own concurrent thoughts of self-loathing and self-stigma, to know that there was a community that would hope for the return of my best self was a blessing. To hold hope when we cannot carry it ourselves: this has always seemed, to me, the fundamental purpose of peer support. DBSA was founded on a model of peer support, and DBSA will always be about creating opportunities for peer support, and through peer support—the thousands of people meeting in communities across the country—we are creating a world in which all of us may be reminded of our potential, our strength, and our best selves.

For me to return to a place of thriving took a lot of time and work and collaboration. It also took some luck. For I have been very lucky: to have found clinicians that do not put limitations on what my life can be; to have the support of loved ones and colleagues who remind me of who I am, not what condition I live with; to have insurance that gives me access to quality health care that covers both my physical and mental health; and to find inspiration in my work and the amazing people I have the privilege of working with, and for, in my role at DBSA.

Such good fortune—in clinical collaboration, in supportive community, in access to resources, in meaningful work—are what I, and the DBSA Board and staff, want for everyone, not just the very lucky.

So in 2014, we asked our peers, families, clinicians, researchers, politicians, and the public to expect more. We asked our community to promote and seek full wellness—because better is not well, and everyone deserves the opportunity to thrive. 

I am proud of the work DBSA accomplished in 2014, and I encourage you to review our 2014: Year of Thriving programs. I believe that we did open minds—and even a few doors—to the possibility of thriving. A few highlights include:

• In January, DBSA welcomed the Balanced Mind Parent Network into our family of programs to enable us to provide critical support for parents and to create a thriving future for children living with mood disorders.
• In April, Target Zero to Thrive asked clinicians and peers to set zero, not just reduced, symptoms as a new standard for successful treatment. 
• In May, DBSA kicked off our six-month Positive Six: Thrive campaign, challenging us to make a small change each month to support our health.
• In June, DBSA completed a third contract with the VA to train their Veteran peer specialist workforce.
• In August, DBSA joined forces with DBSA New Jersey to host the From Surviving to Thriving weekend of public and chapter educational events featuring a special interview with Demi Lovato.
• In September, DBSA hosted Better Is Not Well—a peer and professional panel that explored ways to elevate mental health treatment to complete wellness.
• This fall, DBSA hosted a series of webinars on Treatment Choices, Health Care Reform, and Restoring Intimacy.
  
• In November, DBSA issued the WHO-Five Challenge to mental health professionals to integrate wellness measurements, like the WHO-Five, into their practice.

But so much more must be done. So we ask,

“What needs to happen for us to have wellness change from being a possibility for some to a probability for most?”

It will require:

• Better Treatments: DBSA will continue to work with our esteemed Scientific Advisory Board to integrate peers into the development of new and better treatments— medical and non-medical. And, to connect our peers and parents to studies that hold the promise of a brighter future for ourselves, our children, and our peers.
• New Measurements: DSBSA will continue to promote widening the definition of treatment success to include not just elimination of symptoms, but presence of wellness.
• Access to Quality Mental Health Care: DBSA will continue to advocate for the rights of all adults and children living with mood disorders to receive access to quality mental and physical health care.
• Increased Expectations: DBSA will continue to spread the message that better is not good enough. That wellness IS possible. That everyone deserves the opportunity to not just survive, but thrive.
• Peer Support: DBSA is committed to continuing, and increasing both the availability and quality of, life-saving in-person and online peer support for people who have diagnoses, parents, family, and friends.
• Inspired, Imperfect Action: DBSA will continue to ask ourselves, our peers, our parents, our clinicians, our legislators, and our communities to take action. It may be small. It most certainly will not be perfect. But it will be progress—action inspires action, which in turn inspires more action.

We made some significant strides this past year, but we do not fool ourselves by believing that these first steps have produced monumental change. That will take persistence. That will take courage. That will take time. That will take hope. That will take ALL of us.

It is through thousands, indeed millions, of inspired, imperfect actions that we will slowly transform these small steps into big changes and create a future where wellness is no longer a possibility for only some lucky few, but a probability for all.

Thank you for joining us on this journey,

– Allen