After an accident onboard a Navy ship, I had major, extensive surgery by a neurosurgeon to remove a tumor from my spinal cord. The tumor tethered my spinal cord and placed pressure on my brainstem. After the nine hours of surgery I experienced serious complications that continued for years. Predictably, I developed chronic depression that required professional, long-term treatment. Over time, I, like most people living with chronic depression, learned to wear a mask in order to go about life during the tough days. The author of the article describes many of my life experiences as I work to maintain wellness.
It’s a great article. Click on the link:

https://www.hopetocope.com/blog/masking-our-depression-and-anxiety-our-potemkin-villages/email/

Hey, I know that feeling too!😊


“A week ago it was the mountains I thought the most wonderful, today it’s the plains. I guess it’s the feeling of bigness in both that carries me away.“ Georgia Okeefe

I like these 10 points! Please read and give each serious consideration! (It’s a quick, fun read)


Namaste’


Thanks to The Mighty.com, Andrea Bems, July 2018




10 Ways I Make My Mental Illness More Bearable




When dealing with my mental illness, sometimes all I want to do is curl up in a ball and sleep for days. It’s easy for me to be frightened by my illness and to cut myself down all the time. Why am I feeling this way? Why do I have to act so “weird” when I’m in this state? Why can’t I just enjoy my life? Here is a list of ways I make dealing with my mental illness a bit more bearable.


1. I listen to my needs.


When I’m in a depressive phase or I am experiencing my physical symptoms, I have to think about what I need in order to cope. This might mean canceling a night out with friends, or leaving early from an event and just going home and doing something calming like taking a lavender bath, changing into my pajamas, turning on my fairy lights, and then reading a book or watching Netflix. I know that when I’m in this phase, I have to fill my life with happy things, so I usually choose something uplifting to read or watch. But sometimes, a friend is what I need. I’m not a fan of public areas when I’m in one of these phases (usually I’m overstimulated by the crowds and noise, which feed my symptoms), so I usually schedule a low-key evening with one or two close friends and either watch a movie or just talk. Good friends will always be there for support.


2. I track my mood and take notes for my therapy meetings.


This is something I’m still trying to get in the habit of doing. But, when I do it, I usually rate my mood, motivation, and anxiety on a scale of one to 10 and take notes about any symptoms I may be experiencing. Then I draw a colorful graph with my mood, motivation and anxiety levels in different colors. This may seem ambitious and overwhelming, but when I do it, it’s actually quite therapeutic and it’s an amazing visual representation of what I’m experiencing on which days and how frequently it’s happening. It’s also important to make note of things that happened on a particular day that may have influenced my mood, motivation and anxiety as well as keep track of my symptoms and how many days they last. It’s easy to forget, and having the information available is helpful for my psychiatrist in terms of medication adjustments.


3. I listen to music that makes me feel.


Music speaks the language of every emotion. Some people say you should listen to happy music when you’re feeling down, but I feel like I can’t truly enjoy happy music when I’m in a depressive phase. While I avoid music that brings me to a place that’s too dark, I listen to music that brings out more tepid emotions, and it’s nice and therapeutic.


4. I snuggle with my cat (and I don’t care about the hair).


Pet therapy is a real thing. Sometimes when my cat Sadie wants some snuggle time, I push her away because I don’t want hair on my clothes. But sometimes you just have to enjoy the warm fuzzy ball of love, a live being under your care that just wants your love. And it’s worth the mess.


5. I let my mental illness inspire my art.


Art is a beautiful therapy for those struggling with mental illness (and, really, anybody). Sometimes I draw quirky comics that illustrate a more humorous side to my mental illness (which is a great way to shift my perspective about my illness toward a more positive light) and sometimes I create more serious depictions of my illness, such as in my chapbook Free the Strange. Usually it depends on how I’m feeling, but both ways are equally therapeutic and, in my opinion, are productive in taking something ugly and creating beauty.


6. I dressed up my light box (and named it Phil).


This is another way I shift my perception of my mental illness towards a more positive light. I have a form of seasonal affective disorder (SAD), so I use light box therapy to get through the dark days of winter. Inspired by a suggestion from my therapist, I decided to personalize my light box. I named it Phil. And I made a doodle of a face with a speech bubble saying: “Good morning, Andrea! Here’s your daily dose of artificial sun!” and taped it on my light box and made it look as if it were holding it for me. It’s silly, but it made the methods of dealing with my illness a bit of fun.


7. I use a weighted blanket.


Weighted blankets are a wonderful tool for people with anxiety, depression or any other kind of mental illness (plus, they’re super warm and cozy). They’re supposed to be about 10 percent of a person’s weight, so when you lie underneath it, it’s like being covered with a safe, warm hug. Whenever I watch movies or read a book, I always have my weighted blanket on top of me, and it is glorious.


8. I journal about my mental state (and don’t care if the writing sucks).


As a writer, it’s difficult for me to journal because I feel like the writing has to be good. But I have to remember my journal is for my eyes only (and maybe for my therapist). And it doesn’t necessarily have to be in paragraph form, either. It could be a bulleted list or word collage or a brain dump of words on a page. And it gets the emotion out.


9. I see myself as a character in the low point of their story. (Which means good is on the way!)


I’ve always been a reader and writer, so that’s probably why this speaks to me. In fiction, a character must endure obstacles in order to attain what they desire — which, in my case, has been attaining my master’s degree, having a successful career, and being… well, happy. My mental illness has been a huge obstacle in attaining all these things. But when I think of it in terms of a plot of a novel, obstacles in the way of the character’s desires are necessary for character development. And when they overcome these obstacles, it makes the achievement all the more satisfying. Applying this way of thinking to my life has truly opened my eyes to the big picture and has given me the determination to carry on and not give up.


And finally…


10. When I’m feeling good, I enjoy every moment.


In this seemingly rare phase when I’m feeling great, it’s easy for me to take it for granted or not truly enjoy it. In many cases, I’m spending this time worrying about how long I have until my next episode, worrying it will happen during an important event or fun trip planned. And then I forget to enjoy feeling good. So, just recently, I started practicing mindfulness during my happy phases. When it’s a beautiful day, I close my eyes and feel the sun on my skin. When I taste something delicious, I take small bites and savor them slowly to make it last longer. When I schedule plans with friends, I take the time to tell them how much I value them as a person and enjoy the time I have with them. When I hear a wonderful song, I dance. I savor life. I savor these beautiful feelings. And I remember I may not feel this good tomorrow, but I will again.


Follow this journey on the author’s blog

​bp Hope Sept 2014

Demi Lovato & Bipolar: Stronger Than Ever! This platinum-selling recording artist is on a mission to spread her message of hope: We can get through dark times and find our strength!
By Rachel Rabkin Peachman


Platinum-selling recording artist Demi Lovato is a pro at performing in large concert venues. But on a Saturday afternoon just days before her 22nd birthday, Lovato took time away from her performing schedule to step onto a much smaller stage—with no backup band in sight. In an intimate lecture hall at Kean University in New Jersey, she spoke candidly to an enthralled audience about how she faced up to mental health challenges and lives well in recovery.
The appearance was part of The Mental Health Listening & Engagement Tour supported by Sunovion Pharmaceuticals Inc..
“It has become my personal mission to share with others that there is life on the other side of the dark times, and that they are not alone,” Lovato told bp Magazine afterward.
That’s a bit of a switch-up for the multitalented entertainer, whose early life was focused around her love of music and performing. Raised in Texas, she was acting and singing professionally by age 10. Her résumé as an adolescent includes Disney movies, her own Disney TV series, and two successful studio albums.
She achieved all that professional success even as she struggled to cope with emotional distress. Her inner pain found an outlet in eating disorders, substance abuse, and self-harm. As is true for many people, it took Lovato some time and setbacks before she fully committed to do whatever it took to get better.
So many of my fans have also experienced hardship … I think they appreciate my willingness to open up and put it all out there.
“There is so much shame and misunderstanding associated with mental illness,” Lovato reflected. “Along with that comes fear. I know that fear kept me from getting help.”
It wasn’t until Lovato had what she calls a “mental breakdown” in October 2010 that she went into treatment at a rehab facility. That’s when the underlying brain-based illness was diagnosed.
“When I finally got diagnosed with bipolar disorder, it was a relief in so many ways. It helped me start to make sense of my bipolar depression and the harmful things I was doing to cope with what I was experiencing.”
With a maturity that’s notable in a young adult, Lovato buckled down to get sober, find the right treatment plan, and adopt habits that help her maintain her wellness. She’s also turned her efforts outward, becoming an advocate for people affected by mental health conditions and substance abuse. (Lovato has a track record of public engagement, lending her support to causes like marriage equality, anti-bullying efforts, and civic involvement by Latino voters and young people.)
Lovato shared the early days of her recovery in an MTV documentary called Stay Strong, and published an inspirational best seller, Staying Strong: 365 Days a Year, all in an effort to save others from some of the pain she’s experienced.
“Imagine the hope we can give back to people by creating widespread support and showing the world that it’s possible to get through the darkest times and end up in a place of strength,” she said.
Lovato is proof positive that it’s possible to thrive with the right support and commitment.
“Since receiving help, I have been able to accomplish so much personally and professionally,” Lovato said.
In addition to holding her own as a judge alongside Simon Cowell for two seasons of The X Factor, she scored a recurring role on the popular series Glee. She released two more hit studio albums—the R&B-flavored Unbroken and Demi, an electro-pop compilation that made the charts overseas as well as in North America.
Top singles from those albums include “Really Don’t Care,” “Neon Lights,” “Heart Attack,” “Skyscraper” (which won the “best video with a message” award from MTV), and “Give Your Heart a Break.” Lovato is also known for the pop version of “Let it Go,” the belt-it-out anthem from the animated movie Frozen.
After wrapping up her second North American tour of the year this fall, Lovato is heading to the United Kingdom to tour with Enrique Iglesias.
Lovato’s music helps her process what she’s been through. On the resonant track “Warrior,” from Demi, Lovato sings, “And now I’m a warrior, I’m stronger than I’ve ever been … I’m a survivor in more ways than you know.”
Her devoted fans, known as Lovatics, do know—and Lovato welcomes their support.
“My fans are amazing. So many of my fans have also experienced hardship in their lives and I think they appreciate my willingness to open up and put it all out there,” Lovato told bp.
At her talk in New Jersey, that was clear. Alysa Bainbridge traveled from Leesport, Pennsylvania, to hear Lovato speak about bipolar disorder. The illness runs in Bainbridge’s family, and she admires Lovato’s courage to come out into the open despite stigma.
“That’s what I love most about her. She’s not afraid,” said Bainbridge. “She wants to make a difference by telling her story instead of hiding it, because she knows that it will help people.”
In that lecture hall at Kean University, Lovato shared her story with poise, down-to-earth humor, and a touch of sass. She took the stage wearing a black lace top and skirt. Her dark hair—which, in the past, has been shaved, blonde, and blue—was swept away from her face gracefully, with just a hint of blonde highlights glistening along the bottom.
Her appearance was part of the annual conference of New Jersey’s Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance. She chatted onstage with Allen Doederlein, national president of DBSA, for nearly an hour.


Here are highlights from their conversation, edited for clarity and length.

Q: What made you realize that you needed help?A: It took a mental breakdown for me to realize that I needed to go into treatment. I had tried many, many times to get help on my own, whether it was through a life coach, or through justmedication and not doing anything else to change my behaviors. And it never worked because I never combined all the things that I needed to do in order to live a happy and healthy life.
Rock bottom looks different for everybody. It doesn’t necessarily mean you have to end up in a psych ward or a sober living house to get the help that you need. It could be a moment of clarity in the car while you’re driving where you’re just sick and tired of being sick and tired.
I think that rock bottom for me was several things put together. What it took was a final intervention when my support group—my family, my management, my lawyers—said, ‘If you don’t get sober, we’re dropping you.’ My parents were there and they said, ‘If you don’t get sober, we can’t have you around your little sister. We’ll move back to Texas.’ That was a moment when I realized it was serious. It had been embedded in my mind from a very young age that I was never meant to be happy. And in fact, I thought it was a part of my “artistry” [using air quotes]. That’s what made me deep and artistic, just like Kurt Cobain and other troubled musicians and artists. I realized my illness shouldn’t stop me from being happy. And it shouldn’t define who I am as a person or an artist.


Q: You’ve mentioned self-harm, you mentioned self-medicating with drugs and alcohol, eating disorders, and then you’ve been brave and unique, frankly, in talking about bipolar disorder. Does that have a component that makes you feel vulnerable?A: Absolutely. First off, I see all of those issues as coping mechanisms for my manic [and] depressive states. But still, today when we talk about [bipolar], there’s a stigma around it that people don’t realize. For some reason, it’s a lot easier for people to talk about being bullied, or other types of mental illnesses, or addiction issues. It’s easier for people to say, ‘I’m an alcoholic’—even though that’s so difficult in the first place … But every time that I’ve ever talked about bipolar disorder—and even right now—a tiny part of me is still a bit uncomfortable because it makes me vulnerable sitting here and explaining to you that there’s something chemically wrong in my brain. And just because there is, it doesn’t mean that I’m crazy.
Since receiving help, I have been able to accomplish so much personally and professionally.
I am a normal human being with problems like everyone else. My “diabetes” happens to be my mental illness. And when I work out, when I take my therapy, when I take my medications, for me, that’s my treatment plan, that’s my insulin.


Q: After coming out of treatment, how did you keep your momentum?A: The way that I kept my momentum was always knowing in the back of my mind that I could lose the relationship with my family at any moment. It was also losing the ability to be able to perform onstage because I knew I could tarnish my career and my reputation. A habit of mine was self-sabotaging everything from relationships to progress. In order to break that pattern, I had to have a support team around me that really was honest with me, that told me what I needed to hear when I didn’t want to hear it. And for me, it was [committing to] sober living. Completely surrendering. The night of that intervention, in order to show them that I was going to fully surrender, I handed over my cell phone, handed over my credit cards, handed over my car keys. And I had a sober companion—which is someone who is with you 24/7—for over a year. Those were the measures that I needed to take in order to keep myself alive.
We’re not about surviving. We’re about thriving.
What people were seeing on the outside was a young Hollywood/Disney pop star. And I was really good at faking it, which is something I think a lot of people can relate to. In our society today, if you show any type of emotion, you’re considered weak. But I think that you actually show strength when you ask for help. It shows that you have some confidence in knowing who you are and saying, ‘It’s okay, I know I need help.’ Anybody who’s really good at faking it, I feel your pain, but I also encourage you to take contrary action.


Q: What do you mean by that?A: Contrary action is doing things for yourself when you don’t want to do it. For me, it’s working out when I’d rather watch [tv] shows. Or it’s going to an AA meeting when I don’t want to because I’m tired or it’s my day off. When I don’t [take contrary action], I feel it the very next day, if not later that day, especially with my medication. And I have to realize that every single thing in my life has to come together in order to form the right treatment plan for me.


Q: The right treatment plan can be hard-won. What does that treatment plan look like for you?A: I think [finding the right treatment plan] is a difficult journey and an emotional roller coaster. I also believe that it’s one that people are discouraged to take on because it takes, on average, about 10 years for someone with bipolar disorder to get accurately diagnosed. And I can relate to that because I knew there was something wrong [for years], and I was never told what it was until the day that I went into treatment.
But the right treatment plan is a combination of things. It’s seeing what works for you, seeing which doctors work for you, and it takes a while to process. But don’t give up. For me, my body had to adjust to certain medications and I didn’t know if they were going to work or not. It was a matter of me trying not to give up right away, to let my body adjust to them. And for so long I wasn’t consistent. Acceptance and consistency is my recovery.


Q: It’s so simple but it’s also so powerful.A: It’s complicated to make things simple and simple to make things complicated.


Q: The thought of knowing all of this when you are 21—the idea of knowing it when you’re 40, when you’re 50, when you’re 70—is impressive.A: Regardless of if I was 21 or 65 or 18, it is a blessing to know that I can get help. It is a blessing to know that there is hope. And sometimes it takes people 50, 60 years to have that moment of clarity and that ability to change—to have a spiritual experience or to finally hit rock bottom. I’ve lived a lot of life very fast at a very young age, and that put me in treatment at 18 rather than 45. Mental illness doesn’t discriminate based on age, gender, race, background, or ethnicity.


Q: I’m struck by how different this moment is than a lot of mental health conversations. The age of the front two rows [cheering young fans], and the exuberance and fun. That is what you, Demi, are bringing to the mental health community. Because we’re not just about surviving.A: We’re not about surviving. We’re about thriving. [Lovato waves her arm over her head and punctuates it with a dramatic snap of her fingers.] That really deserved a snap.


Q: I feel so encouraged that you’re taking this on.A: I’m excited about everyone here today. Because I truly believe that our future generation is going to consist of people who don’t have this negative stigma attached to mental illness. A while ago, people who were bullied were ashamed. But when people started speaking out, it became a conversation. People really started hearing—and I think that a lot of that was because our generation has an influence on people.
Another reason why I’m able to sit here and talk about mental health today is because I don’t take myself too seriously. I realize that when I speak about it, I don’t want it to be as heavy as it is. It is a very serious disease. And it ends up deadly. But I feel when you’re able to be authentic, honest, and find even the humor in it, it takes a little bit of the stigma away.


Q: And what we’re creating—mental health.A: Everybody in this room is helping to create it, no matter how old, who you are, or what species you are [referring to the therapy dog in the room]. It doesn’t matter as long as we’re talking about it. The more educated we become, the more aware people are of how serious this is, but also how common it is, and that it’s okay.


*   *   *   *   *


Demi in your cornerDemi Lovato, personal coach? That’s the feeling that comes through the pages of Staying Strong: 365 Days a Year (Feiwel & Friends, 2013), her book of affirmations and motivational advice.
Shortly after its release in November, the book entered the New York Times best seller list for advice books at No. 1.
The self-help volume is set up to be consulted daily. Each entry offers an inspirational quote, meditation, or lesson that Lovato found helpful in her own recovery journey, plus a goal to encourage the reader’s progress toward wellness.
For example, January 1 explains how Lovato created a meaningful, personal affirmation (“You are beautifully and wonderfully made”) and includes this invitation: “In this New Year, come up with a mantra that is just yours. Each day, look in the mirror and repeat it back to yourself.”
In her introduction, Lovato notes that “it’s important to have something that will motivate, inspire, and help us stay positive and keep moving forward.” Mission accomplished.


The Mental Health Listening & Engagement Tour Connects Demi Lovato with Mental Health Advocacy CommunityThe Mental Health Listening & Engagement Tour is a new kind of tour for Demi Lovato, a platinum-selling recording artist living with bipolar disorder. To support the mental health community’s vision of building a new generation of inspiring, informed mental health advocates, Demi is participating in a series of discussions with some of the nation’s leading advocates on the challenges currently facing the community. She is also candidly sharing her experience at advocacy events, encouraging and inspiring others with her own story of resilience and learning to live well with mental illness.
The Mental Health Listening & Engagement Tour is supported by Sunovion Pharmaceuticals Inc. as part of the company’s ongoing commitment to making a meaningful difference in the lives of individuals and families affected by mental illness.
In addition to her appearance at Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance New Jersey’s annual conference (where she posed with DBSA national president Allen Doederlein—above), tour stops include The Jed Foundation’s annual gala in New York City; the National Alliance on Mental Illness national convention in Washington, DC; and Mental Health America’s annual conference in Atlanta.

26 Little Signs You are getting over Depression
The Mghty.com
​April 2018

~ Thank you to themighty.com


To get a sense of how people with depression knew they were starting to feel better, we asked our mental health community to share little ways they knew they were recovering from depression.
1K+Save
Here’s what they shared with us:
1. “When I can wake up and get ready for the day. I shower, cook, clean up the house and just face the day like a ‘normal’ person…” — Amanda T.
2. “When I start cooking my own food again instead of wasting money on fast food. When I start showering and brushing my teeth on a more normal basis. When I start to laugh with meaning again. When my hobbies become enjoyable again. When I can get myself to work on time. When I sing. When I cuddle my significant other to enjoy his presence, not just to try and feel better. When I start enjoying the little things again, like a full moon or beautiful sunset.” — Stephanie F.
3. “Laughing, really laughing and realizing in that moment you are actually happy, and you forget everything else for those few seconds and relish in the moment because it’s been so long.” — Rebecca M.
4. “When I can start reading again. My concentration and focus improves.” — Sharyn H.
5. “It’s little things for me, and it usually happens without me noticing. Caring about what I put on in the morning, wanting to cook dinner, remembering and wanting to watch my favorite TV shows, actually laughing instead of saying ‘that’s funny.’ I’ll catch myself making the bed or washing my face in the morning and realize I am actually feeling better.” — Nichole H.
6. “When I no longer go to bed praying I don’t wake up and instead go to bed smiling because I feel worthy of life and happiness.” — Megan E.
7. “When my eyes get the life back into them. (When I smile with my eyes.) Becoming productive again. Spending less time in my room.” — Amanda A.
8. “When I start doing the things I love, no matter how skilled or unskilled I am: singing passionately; dancing as though my life depended on it; baking while licking the batter off the mixing spoons; and even laughing, and going outside, taking in just how beautiful the world can be outside of my windows.” — Ashley H.
9. “When I start noticing the beauty in the sunrise, how the clouds have different colors, actually seeing the leaves on the trees instead of them just being there. When I get motivation and energy to do stuff like housework, socializing, taking a walk. When I manage to enjoy a cup of coffee, not just drinking it to kickstart my level of energy.” — Rita O.
10. “Either of these, which will seem like the easiest things in the world for some people. 1. When I find I still can and do find things funny. 2. Getting up without feeling I’m about to explode from the pressure in my head or the need to immediately get back under the safety of the duvet.” — Louise F.
11. “I become more present during the day. Instead of feeling like I am just going through the motions, I begin to feel like life isn’t a hassle. To sum it up I look forward to my days and getting out of bed.” — Anjelica M.
12. “When I’m able to look past the present. When I am able to make future plans and further be excited about them. When I can see myself accomplishing more.” — Caroline S.
13. “When I feel like I can support those around me, like my husband and my mom. Like I can carry them on my shoulders rather than being crushed by the weight.” — Emily M.
1K+Save
14. “The days I accomplish something — anything — that’s when I feel like, ‘I can do this.’ After a year-long battle and months of therapy, I surprised myself when I not only played music but sang along! I imagine the true sign of getting better is when I can read, clean house daily, shower more than once or twice per week, and make a real meal more than once per week. It’s amazing how much of your life depression affects that others simply see as ‘normal.'” — Jazmyne F.
15. “Wanting to take care of myself. Simple things like taking a shower, brushing my hair, even putting make up on. Not because I have to but because I want to.” — Andrea B.
16. “When I actually try and make plans with the few friends I have left. Or I finally do household things I’ve been putting off for over a month because I don’t have the energy to get out of bed.” — Alexis M.
17. “I feel lighter. Like something has been lifted off my shoulders. I feel a warm burst of sunshine in my chest. I also feel relief.” — Sarah V.
18. “I start singing again, just humming while walking or doing things. I stop singing completely when depressed. First sign of light at the end of that dark tunnel is music back in my head and heart.” — Gaia F.
19. “When my sense of taste and smell improves and I can have lights on in the evening. (I normally live in the dark.)” — Julian N.
20. “When you can eat a meal willingly without your stomach feeling like there is a weight inside of it.” — Ashley B.
21. “Leaving the house to do things because I want to and not because I’m obligated.” — Alyse W.
22. “Singing in the car.” — Lucy D.
23. “When I wake up and don’t feel like I want to cry anymore.” — Adam B.
24. “When I no longer get angry at everything and everyone.” — Ceri C.
25. “I don’t have to force myself to smile.” — Hailie H.
26. “Colors get a little more vivid, and the world looks a little less hopeless.” — Michaela R

Undoubtedly, the level of happiness I enjoy today I attribute to years of practicing gratitude. I simply go about my day in a state of mindfulness. In that state, I acknowledge things in my life, in my day, in the people around me that I appreciate. I whisper a prayer of gratitude as I bring these things to the fore of my mind.

Expressing gratitude can be just that simple! However, it simply works. And because of that, one continues the practice in expressing gratitude.


​Why Grateful People Always Succeed

​Feb 7, 2018 @ 10:23 AM, Forbes.com

Why Grateful People Succeed

To begin I’d like to preface with the idea that gratitude is a choice, not a result. I hear all the time that it is so easy to be grateful when you've made it to the top. It is easy to be grateful when your career, mission, relationships and finances are all going exceptionally well. Yes, that is true but contrary to popular belief it is also easy to be grateful during a time of struggle or during a building phase of life where you are trying to improve in all sectors. In fact, gratitude is the key factor in achieving ultimate success and happiness.
Don’t Believe Me? Learn From The Experts
Oprah Winfrey is a prime example of practicing gratitude because not only is she known for her humble beginning but also for her dedication and consistency in her gratitude journaling. She has produced an overwhelming amount of content on gratitude and its effect on her own personal life and she even said she has journals that date back every single day for over a decade.
“Opportunities, relationships, even money flowed my way when I learned to be grateful no matter what happened in my life.” — Oprah Winfrey
Gratitude Creates Happiness
David Steindl-Rast, in his Ted Talk on happiness proposes a question: ‘Does happiness cause one to be grateful or does being grateful create happiness?’ He concludes his talk explaining that gratitude is the sole creator of happiness. We all know people who have faced devastating adversity and challenge but have managed to persevere with gratitude and happiness. They are the perfect example of creating happiness through practice of gratitude.
The Importance Of Focus
Tony Robbins speaks a lot about the importance of focus. As he says where focus goes, energy flows meaning that the brain sees and feels whatever you focus on time and time again. Whether your focus is positive or negative, thoughts and feelings are manifested based off of your initial focus. You better make sure you’re focusing on the right things!
“When you are grateful, fear disappears and abundance appears.” — Tony Robbins
Stay Positive
I’m grateful that I have positive modeling in my life. Closest to me is my husband, Noah Flom. He is the most positive person that I know. Noah’s outlook and positivity is incomparable and I learn something new from him every day. He believes that how you think on the inside, whether positive or negative, will manifest on the outside — and this approach will affect your life, your business, your attitude and your personality. Ultimately, people don’t really want to be around someone who is constantly negative and looking at the glass half empty.
Noah has taught me to always look at the glass half full and find the positive aspects in every situation, challenge, opportunity, and trial regardless of how fair or unfair the situation may seem. Through him I have discovered that attitude is contagious and although we all can’t have the world’s best attitude (like I believe he does) we do have a choice. Regardless of the circumstances, we can always choose to approach any situation from a positive and grateful place. He often says it takes just as much effort to be negative as it does to be positive, so choose wisely!
Hard Days, We All Have Them
All of our days are filled with micro and macro ups and downs and life is constantly testing our abilities, our strength and most importantly our perseverance. Our attitude, focus, and level of gratitude is in direct harmonization with our level of happiness. You cannot be happy without being grateful. Whether you are grateful for a good meal, a smiling stranger, or a brand new car all happiness is stemmed from being genuinely grateful for all opportunities, people, experiences and challenges.
“Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has plenty; not on your past misfortunes, oh which all men have some.” — Charles Dickens
How To Take Action And Choose Gratitude
If you struggle to find the positive things in your life and something to be grateful for try to improvise and stimulate your mind by listening to a podcast or perhaps a video of someone else showing gratitude. A great example of this is Will Smith. He is known as someone who is not only grateful but also someone who is extremely positive and always faces a challenge with a smile. We could all learn a thing or two from him!
To choose gratitude we need to substantially show effort in practicing this skill. Whether that is writing it down in a journal or on a notepad in your phone or even just taking five minutes to think in your head what you were grateful about that day; gratitude begins with action. It takes conscious effort to be grateful but just like any skill you acquire, it not only becomes stronger over time but it also becomes effortless as it becomes a habit it your daily routine.
When you begin to change the lens you use to view the world and you come from a place of gratitude, you begin to see the things differently. Give it a try! Let’s start by commenting five things you are grateful for today!

DBSA Jackson provides a weekly support group meeting for people living with mood disorders. The group facilitators are volunteers with problems of their own. For the past 15 years, these facilitators have proven themselves to be among the "strongest people".

I am strong but still . . .

Thanks to BP magazine for shining a bright light on a dark topic. I am glad to be a part of a support group that helps prevent suicide. For over 13 years our group has served the Jackson, Tn. community faithfully. "Thank you" to , A Better Tomorrow inspirational support group.

TAKING SUICIDE PREVENTION UPSTREAM

Across the country, school districts are providing mental health awareness and suicide prevention training for teachers and school personnel. Some are mandated or encouraged to do so by state law, others are motivated by recent incidents, and some introduce this kind of education because suicide is now the second-leading cause of death among youth aged 15-24.

Teacher and parent training are key components in any plan to address teen suicide. Increasingly, however, communities are recognizing that kids need to learn about mental health, too. Social and emotional learning across the lifespan reduces risk factors and promotes protection factors for violence, substance abuse, negative health outcomes, and suicide. One way to provide universal student training is by including a mental health component in the standard wellness or health curriculum. School districts and individual schools can implement individual, more targeted programs as well.

Knowing how to cope and developing resilience are at the core of mental health awareness and suicide prevention efforts being implemented in Massachusetts with children as young as elementary school. The Commonwealth of Massachusetts places a high value on suicide prevention, with dedicated line-item funding in the state budget for the Department of Public Health Suicide Prevention Program. With support from state officials, the DPH has launched suicide prevention programs across the state and for people across the lifespan.

Some of the skill-building and suicide prevention programs in Massachusetts schools are

• The PAX Good Behavior Game, which has been introduced by schools in collaboration with the DPH, teaches students self-regulation, self-control, and self-management in order to create an environment that is conducive to learning. (Ages 6-12)
• The Open Circle program, which strengthens students’ social and emotional learning skills to increase pro-social behaviors and reduce problem behaviors, is utilized by many school districts. (Grades K-5)
• Whyville utilizes problem-solving and other skills to help kids learn about their emotions in an online computer game. (Teens and pre-teens)
• SOS Signs of Suicide® focuses on prevention through education by teaching students to identify symptoms of depression, suicidality, and self-injury in themselves and their peers. (Grades 8-12)
• Break Free from Depression, developed by the Boston Children’s Hospital, focuses on increasing awareness about adolescent depression, how to recognize it, and how to get help. (High school)

There are dozens of programs that schools can use to promote skills development while fostering students’ mental health and their willingness to seek and accept help for mental health concerns. SAMHSA’s National Registry of Evidence-based Programs and Practices and the Suicide Prevention Resource Center Best Practices Registry include searchable descriptions for a wide variety of educational programs. For high school students, the SAMHSA Preventing Suicide: A Toolkit for High Schools has a comprehensive list of programs, but a search of the NREPP and BPR may yield programs added since the Toolkit was published.

What can you do? Find out how your school district handles mental health training and emotional skill building for students. If there is not currently a program and there is no interest from school officials, you might work with the parent-teacher organization, local mental health groups, and the local board of public health to raise awareness of the issue, then advocate for implementation of one or more programs. There may be grants available to cover the cost of training or there may be organizations in your community that would help subsidize the program.

The bottom line is that suicide prevention requires a comprehensive approach. It’s never too early to start and everyone – families, schools, communities, and peers that create supportive environments; individuals who learn and leverage positive coping skills; and mental and public health systems that treat and prevent risk factors – plays a part.

Your Turn

• What do you think about the mental health awareness and/or suicide prevention programs that are provided to kids in your community?
• What role should a school have in developing kids’ emotional and social skills?
• What steps will you take to improve mental health awareness and suicide prevention in your local schools?

Editor’s Note: The Families for Depression Awareness Teen Depression Webinaris an accessible, free resource for training parents, teachers, and others who work with youth to recognize depression, talk about depression with parents and youth, and know what to do to help a young person struggling with depression. Register for the Teen Depression Webinar live with Dr. Michael Tsappis on September 30. 

Thanks to the MA Department of Public Health Suicide Prevention Program and the Suicide Prevention Resource Center for their support in developing this post.

Mother Teresa practiced what she preached, serving her neighbors in great need. In contrast, every year Americans feel they must leave their suffering children "next door" to fly off to an exotic land to do God's work. Personally, I try to follow these words of the person who epitomized service and devotion to God.

I say, thank you, Mother Teresa, for leaving these words of wisdom and guidance.

Healthy Grieving-Denial

Amber Wilsey

After the diagnosis, I have had to walk through a grieving process.  I grieve for the “death” of who I was, for the person who I am, and for my future self. Confusion and loss of self are huge players in this grief process.  Of course, sadness does too, much sadness.  I believe it is the same type of journey we go through when we lose our loved ones. Except this time, the person is me.  

Those five stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I would imagine the denial stage is probably the most difficult to move out of after being diagnosed with a mental illness.  It has been for me.  The denial phase looked similar to this:  I cannot believe I am bipolar; all I went in for was for ADD; the doctor can’t be right; I don’t even know what bipolar is, how is that ME?  As Gru’s minions say “Wha???”  It even looks like: these meds are making me worse; I’m not sick or have mental problems; maybe I was misdiagnosed; maybe I’m really not bipolar since the medicines are not working. On and on and on…

Since I am still fairly new with the diagnosis, I can see the reoccurrence of denial throughout the past few years.  Thankfully, I am not stuck in the vortex of complete denial.  It helps to read, to learn, to use the internet, to search for others who are walking the same walk.  Thankfully, you are out there for me to glean from and from you I have hope.  

http://news.vanderbilt.edu/2015/05/locating-the-brains-sad-center/

More than once in life I've closed one chapter and opened another. I like to think I learned valuable lessons each time. I bet you feel much the same about your life too.

I'm writing my story in hopes that it will inspire others to share their story. I don't know if there is a "book" in everyone but I know for certain there is a story in there. I encourage you to share your story of overcoming some of life's challenges. Someone needs to hear what you have to say. They are waiting!

The big payoff of well-chosen words

By Stephen Propst

You may think that talk is cheap. But, when words are used thoughtlessly, carelessly, or hurtfully, they can take a heavy toll. Like an arrow, “wrong” words can be sharp, piercing a person’s spirit, ripping away at self-esteem, and making a person feel belittled or even betrayed. Ill-chosen words can strain friendships and create stress. And especially vulnerable are people who have bipolar disorder.

Now, let’s be honest. Dealing with bipolar disorder is not only tough for the people who have the illness, but it’s also a challenge for those who live with them. Taking time to consider the impact of what you say before you “fire away” makes it easier. Choosing your words carefully can strengthen relationships, fuel recovery, and make for a better quality of life for everyone.

“Never tell anyone that he looks tired or depressed,” says H. Jackson Brown Jr., in his book Life’s Little Instruction Book (Rutledge Hill Press, 1991). That’s good advice! Now, let’s look at 10 more comments to avoid making to someone who has bipolar disorder. These observations come from more than two decades of dealing with the illness and from years of leading support groups and consulting with families. The goal is to help family and friends to more peacefully coexist with those of us who have bipolar.

What not to say

You sound a little down today.
That’s what a friend said to me within the first 30 seconds when she phoned the other day. No kidding! Since I live with bipolar disorder, of course I don’t always feel 100 percent up to par. I just don’t need my symptoms constantly gauged or continually evaluated. It’s like having a never-ending physical. Most people with a mental illness know how they feel. Being told you are not sounding well is not constructive, nor is it a substitute for true compassion.

I thought you were taking your medication.
Dealing successfully with bipolar disorder cannot be reduced to whether or not someone has taken a pill. There are no quick fixes. Confronting a chronic, serious illness is an ongoing process, and there are bound to be ups and downs. The more you take the time to learn about bipolar disorder, the more you will understand how difficult managing such a condition can be. There are countless resources—books, videos, support groups, etc.—that address and reduce the mystery and misunderstanding surrounding bipolar disorder.

You’re too smart to have bipolar disorder.
When I first heard that remark, I felt so horrible, as if I could have prevented what had happened. Even worse, I felt that someone, such as a homeless person, was somehow more “deserving” of such an illness than I. The brain, like any organ in the body, is subject to having problems. It is cruel to say something that suggests that bipolar disorder doesn’t exist, isn’t legitimate, or isn’t as significant as any other medical condition.

You know he’s ‘bipolar,’ don’t you?
Reducing someone to the illness he faces is destructive. In fact, it is cruel to see a person only through the lens of a diagnosis. Unfortunately, it happens all too often. A person who has bipolar disorder should not be defined by that with which he might struggle. Guard your tongue. Focus on the person you know and love, and dwell on all that makes that individual special. Your friend or family member still has a life.

Stop acting like a fool!
Granted, some conduct associated with bipolar disorder can be very difficult to contend with. When you realize, however, that a particular behavior is actually symptomatic and born of the illness, it makes accepting and dealing with it much easier. I see families who think that their situation is unmanageable, until they meet other families facing the same circumstances. With education and patience, these families come to realize that there is an explanation for what they’ve been witnessing.

Guard your tongue. Focus on the person you know and love, and dwell on all that makes that individual special.

It doesn’t take much to set you off!
Those of us who have bipolar disorder are often more vulnerable and responsive to what happens around us. When you make careless statements, your tongue becomes a trigger that can rouse a reaction and escalate symptoms. You unnecessarily incite a mood change in the person you really want to help.

You’re lazy and don’t have a life anymore.
Are you pushing someone who has bipolar disorder to get on with life? Doing so might create stress, counteract recovery techniques, and worsen overall health. If you have a family, a job, social engagements, etc., consider yourself not only lucky, but also far apart from the typical individual who deals with bipolar disorder. Such a person has often dealt with a radical departure from any sense of a normal routine. Recovery takes time and work, and the role you play is critical. Help by using constructive dialogue that acknowledges progress. Don’t push too hard and don’t expect everything to happen overnight.

We used to have high hopes for you.
I sat at a support group and heard a mother say: “My son was going to be a doctor and have a wonderful family, but now he has bipolar disorder.” As I listened, I watched the young man’s face just drop. He was crushed by his mother’s words. Such a statement is not healthy, because it does not convey unconditional love. What you say does matter. Remember that we are all human beings, not human “doings;” the more you acknowledge our being, the more we can end up doing. There is no need to squash hope or diminish dreams.

Don’t take everything so personally.
With bipolar disorder, there are obvious physical symptoms, such as changes in appetite or sleep; the mind, as well as the brain, are impacted. The patient’s self-esteem also takes a tremendous hit. That’s why a promised phone call that never comes may be taken much harder than you might imagine. Likewise, saying things that ignore or make light of someone’s sense of self-esteem should be avoided.

You seem a little overly enthusiastic.
Remember that someone who has bipolar disorder is still entitled to a personality. Before I had bipolar disorder, I was outgoing, happy-go-lucky and quick-witted. Now even though I have this illness, those same personality traits still exist. At a support group recently, a young man was very energetic and expressive. Someone accused him of being manic. Fortunately, a psychiatrist was present. He said that the young man was displaying no manic symptoms whatsoever and that it was cruel to strip a person of his personality merely because he has a diagnosis. The doctor added that anyone is entitled to a full, normal range of emotions.

What you can say
Sticks and stones can break bones, but words hurt, too. Talking carelessly can shatter self-esteem and stifle a person’s motivation to have a life again. Instead, use statements that are more likely to strengthen relationships and support recovery.

Here are some simple phrases to get started:

“I love you, and I care.”
“You’re not alone in this.”
“I’m sorry you’re in so much pain.”
“I’m always willing to listen.”
“I’ll be your friend no matter what.”
“This will pass, and we can ride it out together.”
“You are important to me.”
“When all this is over, I’ll still be here.”

Speaking of differences
Last year, at the Fernbank Museum of Natural History in Atlanta, Georgia, an amazing, special exhibit revealed that every imaginable genetic differentiation—body size, health, anything—is attributable to less than one percent of all genes (Human Genome Project). We are more than 99 percent identical. So, if you know someone who has bipolar disorder, why not concentrate on speaking to the 99 percent of that person’s humanity that really matters?

Talk is not cheap. It pays to use words that encourage, enlighten, and empower. You can make a positive difference in your loved-one’s recovery and in your peace of mind.

I was raised appreciating my family. However, in 1993, I met a personal health challenge that put me in great need of help and support. My family rose to the occasion with love and support I desperately needed. So, I learned anew the meaning of family in my midlife. Since that time I've worked to be there for my biological family and to be "family" to others with a similar need as mine.

I'm grateful for all of the support that got me through my time of recovery. Today I appreciate the support I have in gaining more wellness each day.

There were tough times with life's setbacks when I needed a good friend. In a group of our peers, a group for support,we can "practice" being a good friend.

7 Tips To Have A Long-Lasting, Happy Relationship

In today's society, we don't have many role models or common ideal values when it comes to the question of how to have a long-lasting, happy relationship. Most of the things we learn are from trial and error. We're all just trying to figure it out — the ever-present question of how to coexist with our partner in the most harmonious, loving way.

But here are a few lessons that I've learned the hard way. When we are more flexible with ourselves and our partners, we communicate better, and get along better. These seven practices are essential for helping your relationship last — and to be happy, healthy and strong along the way.

1. Realize that it's impossible to "win" a fight. No one will ever win, ever.

When you are involved in an argument with your partner, it often becomes less about coming to a solution and more about "winning" the argument or being "right". The goal in conscious communication is to create more harmony in your relationship and find a solution that you both can agree upon. Rehashing the same ideas over and over again in an effort to feel "right" will not lead to happiness for anyone.

2. Connect to your partner as part of you.

Often, we view our loved ones as separate from us. But in our relationships, all of our interactions are two-sided, and it's important to keep this in mind for a healthy, happy relationship. We are all one, all connected.

When you begin to change your perception from separation to oneness, it is easier to drop the armor and let in your partner. Your communication will be better, and you'll feel more connected. Practice viewing your partner as another part of you that is trying to tell you something important. Always listen with an open heart — and in the case of a fight, listen without having to retaliate.

3. Always be open to the possibility that you might be wrong.

If your loved one has an issue with you, chances are it's at least worth looking into. There are probably very few people that know you better, so listen up instead of making excuses, pointing the finger, or detouring the conversation.

Explore the possibility that you may have something to work on. Reply lovingly with, "So what you're trying to say is ...?" "What are your suggestions on how I can improve?" "I love you and am willing to look into this." It's OK to be wrong. If you are — accept it and simply try making the change. We all want to grow and flourish, right? Those closest to you can play a crucial role in your spiritual growth and evolution.

Furthermore, if you show you are willing to accept your faults, your partner is more likely to follow suit and accept his downfalls too. Whether or not your partner is incredibly wise or evolved, if you genuinely want to have a better relationship, then it's worth it to listen with genuine curiosity and openheartedness.

4. Say goodbye to the silent treatment.

Plain and simple, the silent treatment is useless. If something is bothering you — talk about it. Holding a grudge can have an extremely negative impact on the energy and vibration in your home.

Create a space that is inviting and loving, by being open, honest, and kind. Your home should feel like a sanctuary — a refuge of peace from this often crazy world.

5. Appreciate!

Even if you have a bone to pick, it's important to express that you are appreciative of the things that your partner may do that are awesome. Praise is so effective in drawing the best out of a person. If there is a behavior that you love and enjoy, give him props for it.

Of course, there will always be things that annoy you or make you angry. Ask, "Why does this particular behavior bother me SO much? "Who in my past has expressed something similar and how is this connected?" And so on.

So know you're triggers, so you are less likely to be reactive when something comes up. If you are always just criticizing and bashing your partner, he/she will feel unmotivated to make changes.

6. If you want something, give it.

Another way to say this is "be the change you want to see in your partner". If there is something you would like to see more of from your partner — try giving it to them first. You can't treat your spouse like dirt and expect flowers.

7. Don't expect everyone to express love in the same way.

Everyone has different ways of expressing themselves — especially in intimate contexts. Sometimes all you need is a hug, yet all he needs is to talk. Find a common ground. Ask, "What are the things I do that make you feel loved and supported?" Talk about your needs and ask what his are.

Photo Credit: Shutterstock

Allen Reflects on Thriving in 2014

As DBSA’s 2014: The Year of Thriving comes to a close, it seems appropriate to reflect on what we’ve accomplished this past year, and to think about what’s yet to come.

At the beginning of 2014, we outlined our vision of a future where every adult and child living with a mood disorder has the opportunity not just to survive, but to thrive. To some, this was a message of hope; to others, it seemed a goal almost impossible to imagine. I completely understand how some of my peers might find total wellness to be an unattainable goal. Indeed, I too have experienced times in my life when the only reality I could imagine was the intense pain of depression. In fact, I experienced times this very year when thriving seemed so very far away for me personally. But amidst messages about the danger and drain of people with mental health conditions, and my own concurrent thoughts of self-loathing and self-stigma, to know that there was a community that would hope for the return of my best self was a blessing. To hold hope when we cannot carry it ourselves: this has always seemed, to me, the fundamental purpose of peer support. DBSA was founded on a model of peer support, and DBSA will always be about creating opportunities for peer support, and through peer support—the thousands of people meeting in communities across the country—we are creating a world in which all of us may be reminded of our potential, our strength, and our best selves.

For me to return to a place of thriving took a lot of time and work and collaboration. It also took some luck. For I have been very lucky: to have found clinicians that do not put limitations on what my life can be; to have the support of loved ones and colleagues who remind me of who I am, not what condition I live with; to have insurance that gives me access to quality health care that covers both my physical and mental health; and to find inspiration in my work and the amazing people I have the privilege of working with, and for, in my role at DBSA.

Such good fortune—in clinical collaboration, in supportive community, in access to resources, in meaningful work—are what I, and the DBSA Board and staff, want for everyone, not just the very lucky.

So in 2014, we asked our peers, families, clinicians, researchers, politicians, and the public to expect more. We asked our community to promote and seek full wellness—because better is not well, and everyone deserves the opportunity to thrive. 

I am proud of the work DBSA accomplished in 2014, and I encourage you to review our 2014: Year of Thriving programs. I believe that we did open minds—and even a few doors—to the possibility of thriving. A few highlights include:

• In January, DBSA welcomed the Balanced Mind Parent Network into our family of programs to enable us to provide critical support for parents and to create a thriving future for children living with mood disorders.
• In April, Target Zero to Thrive asked clinicians and peers to set zero, not just reduced, symptoms as a new standard for successful treatment. 
• In May, DBSA kicked off our six-month Positive Six: Thrive campaign, challenging us to make a small change each month to support our health.
• In June, DBSA completed a third contract with the VA to train their Veteran peer specialist workforce.
• In August, DBSA joined forces with DBSA New Jersey to host the From Surviving to Thriving weekend of public and chapter educational events featuring a special interview with Demi Lovato.
• In September, DBSA hosted Better Is Not Well—a peer and professional panel that explored ways to elevate mental health treatment to complete wellness.
• This fall, DBSA hosted a series of webinars on Treatment Choices, Health Care Reform, and Restoring Intimacy.
  
• In November, DBSA issued the WHO-Five Challenge to mental health professionals to integrate wellness measurements, like the WHO-Five, into their practice.

But so much more must be done. So we ask,

“What needs to happen for us to have wellness change from being a possibility for some to a probability for most?”

It will require:

• Better Treatments: DBSA will continue to work with our esteemed Scientific Advisory Board to integrate peers into the development of new and better treatments— medical and non-medical. And, to connect our peers and parents to studies that hold the promise of a brighter future for ourselves, our children, and our peers.
• New Measurements: DSBSA will continue to promote widening the definition of treatment success to include not just elimination of symptoms, but presence of wellness.
• Access to Quality Mental Health Care: DBSA will continue to advocate for the rights of all adults and children living with mood disorders to receive access to quality mental and physical health care.
• Increased Expectations: DBSA will continue to spread the message that better is not good enough. That wellness IS possible. That everyone deserves the opportunity to not just survive, but thrive.
• Peer Support: DBSA is committed to continuing, and increasing both the availability and quality of, life-saving in-person and online peer support for people who have diagnoses, parents, family, and friends.
• Inspired, Imperfect Action: DBSA will continue to ask ourselves, our peers, our parents, our clinicians, our legislators, and our communities to take action. It may be small. It most certainly will not be perfect. But it will be progress—action inspires action, which in turn inspires more action.

We made some significant strides this past year, but we do not fool ourselves by believing that these first steps have produced monumental change. That will take persistence. That will take courage. That will take time. That will take hope. That will take ALL of us.

It is through thousands, indeed millions, of inspired, imperfect actions that we will slowly transform these small steps into big changes and create a future where wellness is no longer a possibility for only some lucky few, but a probability for all.

Thank you for joining us on this journey,

– Allen